for a piece of paper the heart of man. herein lies the mystery of life in a single light.
imperfect as it seems, it all depends…
monday, the 11th day of the 11th month, 2002.
i found myself wondering about life and trying to make sense of it–again. i guess i never will, up until the ending days.
life is a journey. my quest began a long time ago. 23 years of living. up until now, i am still unsure of where i really am, how far i’ve come or where i really am supposed to go. life is full of surprises, great and small.
wednesday, the 13th. i found myself "stuck" again. i am "stuck" in a world that doesn’t seem to be moving. if ever it does, it’s too slow for me. what gives. i’m not in a hurry for anything. i am "stuck" in a room of "learning" where theories fly left and right, theories i would never use, rarely if ever. i am "stuck" in this state of "numbness", a drone of society waiting for the next "orders".
friday, 22. sometimes, i feel like i’m way ahead my years. i think like how i should think in two or three years. it’s like my contemporaries will think the same way i do in a year or two. i must say, it gets too lonely sometimes.
i have stopped dreaming a long time ago. it was due to a realization that i would never achieve them anyway. recently, attempts are made to revive the hope found in my childhood, but with much difficulty. partly, there is still the impossibility of having it all. therefore, a decision has been reached to dream only of the most simplest things, and to achieve them one at a time. right now, i am having difficulty in choosing what to dream of!
tuesday, 26. lost clusters of memory.
"i, friend or foe; treat me as one that i shall be."
"the medication for depression: direction in life."
friday, 6th day of december, 2002.
so many things are left unsettled. so many things never to be settled. my life with all its amenities is a mess. but i guess it’s much better than someone else’s. today, was a good day of rest, despite the fact that i learned nothing. so what have i accomplished so far?
to begin with, i am priveleged to be earning a degree superior than those of my contemporaries in grade school and high school. i wonder where they are now.
only to find myself among the "cream of the crop". yeah, sure, whatever. you think so? not really. i’m not so different after all, especially if you see me as just one of the hundreds of medical students in one of the hundreds of medical schools in one of the most puny countries. but then, there are a hundred more better than i. this is where i cease. this is my place in life. is it?
i am trying to come up with an entry for the upcoming "kuwaderno". it is for the prestige and honor of being counted in. but also, it is for an expression of a better literature worthy to be called "kuwaderno". just so that "they" may have something worth reading.
2002, sunday, 15th of december.
he scoffed at the bible.
the man beside him noticed it immediately and began to speak, "why do you scorn at a book you know so little of?"
he was wise in his own eyes and wiser in the eyes of men. without much effort he replied, "the little that i know of it is enough…." his attitude spoke a lot about him.
19th.
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there are some things so beautiful but you could not own. the closest thing is having them for your eyes to see.
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