i am at war with myself. and the damages are devastating. reckless, relentless. because i placed myself in chains for my own good. they call it restraint. i call it patience. one side of me would scream out loud out of frustration. while another half could care less. temperance. we do not move.
i wait for nothing. i just wait. this afternoon i thought i saw her just around the corner about to leave with her man. i can’t be sure it was her, i just know it was her. regardless. the emotion brought about by the thought of seeing her with another man broke my heart. because i could not do anything. maybe i was right in my own silence. let her not know i exist, better keep it that way. i alone would suffer. eventually the scars would heal. whereas if i made myself known and the situation turn into a complicated affair only to end up hurting more. just maybe. at these situations, it would be best to leave it at that, despite of my nature of being too much of a risk-taker.
so i said to myself, there is only one thing that would mean a go for me. her faith had to be the same as mine. otherwise, it’s all a waste of time.