the girl who leaped through time

leaped or leapt, just the same. it's a special anime movie about a girl's dilemma about love. it's interesting how people don't really know what they want until they lose their chance of choosing. when she found out a friend had feelings for her, she tried so hard to avoid him. but truth is unavoidable, and there is nothing she could do to change the way he felt for her. just when she was about ready to accept the truth, the boy had already clammed up. time is up. maybe that's how she really wanted it in the first place.


you can never entrust time and chance to a girl.

another round

today is a sunday, another day of testing. let's see how much i can take. another week.

it takes time to harden the heart. it takes time to numb the senses. it takes time to forget. it takes time to let go.

meanwhile i have to keep a straight face. i have to hide my true feelings. i have to deny myself.

i'm happy for you. i will be happy for you.

hush shush

"relax, kid."


(calm down). that's what the hero of my stories used to say. it's his signature line. whenever he was on the brink of bursting mad at someone, it was a form of venting out his insult. try imagining yourself being called a "kid". it makes you immature. in a way, being called a kid is cool, depending on the situation. it is a sentence with a lot of meaning. the hero also used to say it to calm his own nerves, referring to himself as the kid. nothing is too serious.


"all you're left with in the end are your memories."


burn notice. indeed, man is a memory. history is a memory.


i realized i was the introvert. i was the anti-social. i was the one within walls. i was the difficult person to reach.

almost sleepy

this is the best time to write, when things are not going so well for me. inside me is a sea in turmoil, except try imagining it in the middle of a dark night without a single light.

outside of me you can notice how empty my eyes are if you really pay attention. probably it's my discontentment for reality. it's just vanity after all. everything has the same worth.

there are no exceptions. i want to escape from it all. there is a way. i don't want to be another jonah. where's my big fish?

maybe if i try harder i will forget bridges exist. and if i forget, the feeling goes with it. i won't have to keep turning my head to every direction. maybe i could smile wider and laugh my heart out.

i am not immortal. i am invincible. nothing can hurt me. it's a grand illusion of a special ability. i am an army of one. they keep firing at me. i keep charging at them with a sword. one by one their luck ran out. i was not too ecstatic. it's just another predictable day.

i keep blocking my thoughts. some thoughts fade slower. silly me.

i'm a walking contradiction

one of those times doing nothing i decided clearing my computer files. and i came across this song. it's not so much about the lyrics, but the mood that i could relate to.

my november

this is my november. my era begins. cold november.

ooo

i will be your armor
i will be your shield
i will be your freedom
i will be your wings
i will be your power
i will be your heart.

ooo

it feels like for centuries i have been fighting this feeling. i have always been winning. it feels like an empty victory after all.



ooo

i am very much disappointed with a lot of things. last year was disappointing. this is year is very much disappointing so far. she is very disappointing. i am a big disappointment. thirty years is a disappointment. my work is disappointing. my business is becoming a disappointment. my dreams look disappointing. but i tell myself it's how i deal with disappointment that is more important.

ooo

i watched the social network on my own today. and i reflected on my similar situation. here i was with a dream worth billions. it feels like i'm the only one who knows and believes this. i need someone to guide me. i asked myself what do i really need right now. capital.