deep thoughts

i was reading law of ueki’s manga when this struck me:

throughout life, people only get a single chance to meet one another… sometimes this single moment could be more important than life itself.
to meet again… is merely based on luck.

iv’e had my chances meeting her. i just never took the chance to know her. maybe, i will never have that chance again. sometimes i wish…
it’s a full moon tonight. which reminds me…
no matter how beautiful, i just don’t have the means of capturing the moon.
ordinary cameras don’t work. you must at least have a 10x optical zoom.
at least 20,000 pesos.
what is stopping me?
it is not the fear of getting hurt or losing. i could be reckless with just a whim. and of all people, i am most frequently thought of as insensitive. what they don’t know is that i know more. it is just that i don’t show it. i hide pretty well. and why hide?
some say that i’m too deep. and most end up in surrender. nobody knows how deep. like i say to myself, they can keep on trying, no one is stopping them. i don’t need to. most likely they’ll fail. i cant even think of anyone who succeeded. just when they think they know me well, that’s when things start to change. again. if you really know me, just ignore the depth.
sometimes, i just know it. i would get this feeling i would see her that day. and it happens. gut feel. as far as i can remember, it always was that way with her. but i just can’t tell until when will i have this chance of seeing her. i wish i knew. but then again, what can i do, even if i did know.
in a few days, she will be gone. maybe, for a while, or maybe, never again to cross my path. the time and chances. yes, i remember. i will remember… and the sun will set for you… sometimes, goodbye’s the only way.
goodbye.
i never had the chance to greet you hello. most likely, i won’t have the chance to tell you goodbye. one thing i know, i will still see you one last time before you go, and that sweet smile of yours. in just a few days.
and the shadow of the day, will embrace the world in gray.
thanks, but no thanks to you, linkin park.
she is not the only one after all. she just happens to be the one right now.
in another segment of my brain:
come to think of it, i never mention about my sister. she knew me like a book. that’s one thing i miss about her. maybe some other time.
i’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen, for being so disorganized. but this is not for show.
i’m throwing out my frustrations and not calling them frustrations. and no, i am not suppressed. i have self-control, thank you. don’t you just like me!
yes, there is a side of me to like after all. i’m just not in the mood to show it. as i  always see it, if you happen to like this side of me, despite its harshness, how much more if you see the good side. i tend to put my worst foot forward. if it works, so will will the other foot.
i’m tired. i’ll just wait.

orange

as usual, the same old nonsense. hey, nordi, mas masaya naman eto kesa sa serious mood ko. buti naman at naalala mo pa kami dito.
so orange. yes, another color. nang college kami maraming kwento tungkol sa orange. kagaya ng babaeng orange ang pantalon. sumikat sya sa orange nyang pantalon. kasi parang favorite nya ata na pantalon yun. kaya ang tawag sa kanya ay….. orange girl. ah, naalala ko na ung tunay nyang pangalan. sa totoo lang, ung apilyedo lang. wag ko nalang babanggitin. kawawa naman sya. hindi naman sa nilalait ko sya sa pantalon nya, pero parang napaka-clueless kasi ata nya. malayo pa lang alam mo na sya na yun. makita mo lang sa bintana ng rizal building, kahit sa silang pa sya alam mo sya yun. at least mabait naman sya. ata. kasi hindi ko rin sya nakakausap (lalo na tungkol sa pantalon nya). medyo pangit pakinggan, pero ka-bio rin namin sya. haay, buhay kolehiyo. makulay.
napa isip tuloy ako. nang first year med ako, medyo weirdo pa ako nun. ata. naka tayo pa buhok ko nun. ginagaya ko kasi si vegeta. wala pa akong pakialam sa iba. biruin mo, naging doctor yun…. tapos isang araw, sabado yun, pwedeng mag civilian, akalain mo ba naman nagsuot ng orange over-alls. parang preso. ang tingkad sa mata. bright to the eyes. pasok sa auditorium, deretso sa likod. weirdo. naalala ko pa kung bakit ko sinuot yun. i dared myself. ayun. next time dont dare me, ok. (ok). kaya nyo yun? hindi pa uso ang ganung hairstyle noon. 2 years later pa. which reminds me, para nga pala si naruto no… hmmm… ako pala yung original. wala pang naruto nun. siguro pareho kaming wavelength ng mga hapon. yan ang nagagawa ng tao na walang magawa.
tapos yung orange na pagkain, which is obviously called ‘orange’. wala akong kwento dun. iba na lang.
orange and lemons meron pa. nung nasa davao ako bumili ako ng cd ng orange and lemons. bagong sikat pa lang nila. syempre, yung pirated version pa yun. tapos paulit ulit na pinatugtog sa cd player ni sherwin. sherwin, nasan ka na? musta na pards? …umuwi ka na baby…. pero ung si sherwin, mas trip nya si juris and chin. mymp umaga, tanghali, gabi. lagi kasi syang sawi sa pag-ibig. nahawa ata ako sa kanya. dinibdib namin ung mga songs. from love moves to tell me where it hurts. senting senti. hanggang ngayon nag-e-echo pa ung boses. nagutom tuloy ako, na-aasociate ko kasi sa space burger. moonyeen, di mo na ako ni-rereplyan a. patty, wala pa tayong nakakain na lobster…. naalala ko tuloy mga co-interns ko. reminiscing….
ang saya din ng mga araw na iyon.
isa pang mamimiss ko na orange: ung bus na saint rose na papuntang alabang… medyo late na kasi, tapos kelangan ko na umuwi. hindi na pala dumadaan sa harap ng ospital ang saint rose. bawal na ang provincial buses sa taft. haay.
sigh. bat ko nga ba naisip yung orange? hmm…. nakalimutan ko na.