this memory is becoming more and more a curse that keeps on haunting me. i feel helplessly depressed knowing there is nothing i can do about it. only time heals. if only i could keep blocking my thoughts. i can only wish it's december already, december, 2012.
from my perspective of my life's story, it's getting to be a boring segment. too much uncertainty and too little to expect. meanwhile....
answers
posted
25.10.10
the problem is, the answers are with her. the answers are with God. the answers are in the future.
on reliance, you cannot just rely on anybody. you just can't rely on friends. but that does not mean they are not dependable. they will uphold you in the right time, just don't rely on it.
on reliance, you cannot just rely on anybody. you just can't rely on friends. but that does not mean they are not dependable. they will uphold you in the right time, just don't rely on it.
vanity of life
posted
23.10.10
finding comfort in my own words.
from the downfall of man. man is cursed for he does not know that he is.... it was foolish of him to think, because time erases the memory of his days.
i cannot hate what i love. i cannot love what i hate. it made me think for a second, what do i hate? the first thing that comes to mind: i hate this feeling.
i am transcending. all is vanity. what we consider valuable means nothing at all. memory, the most important thing i possess. without it, i cease to exist. more valuable than life itself. what is man but a memory?
trudge on. maybe it's time burn bridges once again. time to move forward, never look back. but even if i close my eyes shut, the memory keeps replaying. numbing.
it's not the pain. it's the fatigue. tired of waiting. for nothing. usually something eventually happens.
from the downfall of man. man is cursed for he does not know that he is.... it was foolish of him to think, because time erases the memory of his days.
i cannot hate what i love. i cannot love what i hate. it made me think for a second, what do i hate? the first thing that comes to mind: i hate this feeling.
i am transcending. all is vanity. what we consider valuable means nothing at all. memory, the most important thing i possess. without it, i cease to exist. more valuable than life itself. what is man but a memory?
trudge on. maybe it's time burn bridges once again. time to move forward, never look back. but even if i close my eyes shut, the memory keeps replaying. numbing.
it's not the pain. it's the fatigue. tired of waiting. for nothing. usually something eventually happens.
down to the last stretch, the last straw
posted
10.10.10
just a simple journal entry. about a month ago, the plan was set. there were three objectives: 1. pass the boards 2. establish a relationship 3. start the website successfully. the deadline, before i leave 30.
so far, that's two strikes for me. still manageable, all things considered. failing the boards, although quite a heavy loss, is still recoverable next year. anyway, the profession is the backup plan, and has been working as intended. you should never really perfect the backup to the point of losing sight of the main objective.
the relationship could not exist at the moment. maybe i just haven't found the right one yet. not that i did not try, but i can only go as far as meeting her halfway, or probably i could go 99%. it won't mean a thing if she does not respond. having done my part, it just did not work out. it's a learning experience. calculated failure as well.
now i can fully focus on what i truly think i am designed for. the business. the website is the key for the succeeding years. gradually, the parts are put into place. so far so good. before the year ends a more accurate prognosis could be given. the gears are already turning, we just don't know how far it would go.
everything's going according to plan. some outcomes or maybe all might not be favorable, but the options have already been considered. we know our strengths and weaknesses so far. the backup is still working. the last thing we need is a monkey wrench.
so far, that's two strikes for me. still manageable, all things considered. failing the boards, although quite a heavy loss, is still recoverable next year. anyway, the profession is the backup plan, and has been working as intended. you should never really perfect the backup to the point of losing sight of the main objective.
the relationship could not exist at the moment. maybe i just haven't found the right one yet. not that i did not try, but i can only go as far as meeting her halfway, or probably i could go 99%. it won't mean a thing if she does not respond. having done my part, it just did not work out. it's a learning experience. calculated failure as well.
now i can fully focus on what i truly think i am designed for. the business. the website is the key for the succeeding years. gradually, the parts are put into place. so far so good. before the year ends a more accurate prognosis could be given. the gears are already turning, we just don't know how far it would go.
everything's going according to plan. some outcomes or maybe all might not be favorable, but the options have already been considered. we know our strengths and weaknesses so far. the backup is still working. the last thing we need is a monkey wrench.
somewhere only we know
posted
6.10.10
inside my mind is a certain place where nobody knows, a memory of a place turned into a dream where i can run to whenever i feel sad or for a need just to be alone with you for a moment for some peace.
dark side of the lens
posted
4.10.10
i could only imagine something i could not experience for my own, the other side of the world. sometimes, i feel the sea calling out for me.
red october
posted
1.10.10
why do i get the feeling this will be a bloody month. i wonder how my exam turns out. i wonder how meeting fate again turns out. i wonder how my project will turn out. i wonder.
i guess it's time for me to wake up. separate dream from reality. time for battle. time to die.